at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize