i need an iv and a liver transplant
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
