Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
