The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
