I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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