I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
