Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
