i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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