You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
