idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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