and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
