I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
