You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
