he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
