i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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