So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
