we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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