so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
whose ass print is on the piano?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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