so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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