So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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