My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
