we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
