I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
