it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
