I'm going to jail i love you
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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