i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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