On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
