your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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