Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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