Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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