I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm like, not good at living.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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