I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
