if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm just crazy horny about you
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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