The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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