Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
