it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
She needs sedatives and a leash
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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