I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
