On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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