I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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