i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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