Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
