'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
