I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
