sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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