Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
