I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My vagina is officially offended.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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