Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Randomize
