I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
