Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
