Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
