I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
