I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
