Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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