I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
