I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
