When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
