so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
