I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
