cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
