god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
