remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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