I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
