Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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