Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
