I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
