the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
