Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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