that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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