Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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