I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Hippo gnu deer
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
