Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize