new low.... made out with someone while peeing
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
