just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
