if i died would you start the facebook group?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
