somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
