Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize