is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
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